Updated: Jan 16
I’ve always loved loved loved art! My earliest happy memories involved me drawing, painting and creating. At 5 years old I remember deciding “I’m going to be an artist!” with all the naïveté of a child and faith that I could do anything I wanted to do! I was convinced that it was my destiny.
That was also the same year, without realizing, I built an enormous mental blockage towards my creativity. I had lovingly drawn a birthday card for one of my teachers and proudly offered it to him for his birthday. He took one took one look at it, crumpled it in front of me and the whole classroom, and tossed it into the wastebasket. When I asked him why he did it? He responded, “Drawing is nothing special, I get tons of drawings on my birthday, and if I keep them all I will have a big pile of junk!”
I was crushed. Of course, the adult in me looking back realizes what an a**hole teacher he was. But as a 5-year-old child I internalized the hurt and created a belief that was something like this: “No matter what I create. It will just be destroyed. Nothing lasts. My creativity has no value!”
I lived with this crippling belief for nearly 3 decades, unconsciously! I still loved drawing and creating. But whenever I was offered an opportunity to take my talent to another level, I refused. Not daring to believe in myself or in my capacity to be a ‘real artist’. I started telling myself all sorts of stories, every milestone or life event enforced my un-healthy belief: “You can’t make money with art. So many artists are struggling to live.", "It’s irresponsible as a parent, you cannot afford to not have a steady salary as an artist." and "You don’t speak French well enough." or "You’re in a steady relationship you need to be contributing at least 50% of the household income!” I was very good at coming up with stories and excuses as to WHY I shouldn’t be doing what I MOST wanted to do.
Then, some things started changing. I got into personal development. I had always loved listening to audio and podcasts when doing housework or commuting to work. I stumbled upon Tony Robbins. I devoured all his material.
It felt so good and FUN! I took notes, wrote lists, but I wasn’t ready to act on the stuff I was listening to. I also read books like “The 4-Hour Workweek!” by Tim Feriss—READ IT! (the part where he dares you to lie down in the middle of a busy street or mall to learn how not to give a F**K!!!) I felt like I was living vicariously through the authors I was reading like, “The Art of Non-Conformity” by Chris Guillebeau. When I was single and one of my friends lent me the book “How to Make Every Man Want You: How to Be so Irresistible You’ll Barely Keep From Dating Yourself!” by Marie Forleo. So many more books that slowly but surely were transforming me from the inside out.
One of my biggest life transformations I owe to Anthony Robbins and my ex. I had been dreaming and wanting to attend one of his live events for years. One day as a birthday surprise, my ex generously offered to pay us tickets to an Unleash The Power Within Live Tony Robbins event. It was incredible!!!
During one of the mediations we were asked to write down some of our fears/beliefs that were holding us back. I was in the ZONE. Writing my fears! Easy, I had SO MANY. Suddenly, I realized I had written down “Nothing lasts. My creativity has no value.” And I had a flashback to the moment when the teacher crumpled my drawing. I was shaken. I had never before thought of this memory, nor realized or even verbalized THIS particular fear, regarding my creativity!
Recognizing a problem is only the beginning!
Life didn’t change immediately. I still had many other beliefs holding me back. I went to school to learn to be a beautician. I got a job as a beautician and started working normal 9-5 hours. We moved. Birthdays came and went. Christmases, New Years. I was comfortable. I started painting again after a 2-year hiatus! Life was good, relatively speaking, I had a roof over my head and my little family.
Bombshell, my ex and I split up! Life had other plans. And that’s a long story for another time!
Heartbreak is a strange thing. It's bittersweet and transformative. Something clicked for me. I quit my Beautician job, moved with my daughter. And started intensely studying and working to build a new Joy. Joy 2.0. A stronger, more focused, happier, more courageous, bold, hard-working, generous, more loving version of me.
I listened to sleep hypnosis to fall asleep at night. I slowly started journaling again. I started meditating. I fell in-love with the Law of Attraction and immediately started applying it in my life. I took up dancing. I started having FUN. And more FUN, and the more fun I had the more fun people I met.
The more fun I had the more my creativity wanted to be expressed. I would paint at all hours of the day! I built a painting collection. But what now? I had never been in business for myself. I was brand new to the world of entrepreneurship.
So I took an online business course (BSCHOOL-by Marie Forleo and Team Forleo)! —It was life-changing and worth every cent.
I’ve got several projects in the works now. New business courses I’m following (BSMONLINE by Eric Ho).
An Abraham Hicks event to attend this year! (So excited)
Business is GREAT! I love having international clients from all over the world ordering their paintings! I enjoy every single step of the process and being and artist.
With time, I’ve come to realize; REAL courage is having the faith to keep pursuing your dream even if right in the present it seems gigantic or unfeasable! Baby steps are key. One foot in front of the other! Progress, not perfection. Don’t listen to the naysayers, you don’t have time for them! Keep hustling. Every single day. Every single day wake up. Appreciate that it’s a new day! Give it your ALL. Give it 100%.
The ONLY thing stopping you from being the BEST version of yourself is--YOU. So, get out of your HEAD! Get aligned with your heart. And know that great PEACE and understanding is yours.
I'm nobody. A single mum, living in the south of France. I'm not extraordinary or exceptionally talented. But everyday I take EXTRAORDINARY steps and make powerful life choices! Because I have decided to believe in me.
And what about you? Do you believe in yourself?
If you liked this blog post, please click on the “support the artist button” (top right of the page). You choose whatever amount--every dollar or euro is supporting and encouraging me to keep creating. So much love and appreciation!!!
(Disclaimer: None of the authors I mention are sponsoring me. This is my personal story and journey! And these are some of the authors and speakers that resonated with me along my life path.)